Five things about IPL which won't be missed!

Do you ever get withdrawal symptoms when you finish reading a good book? Or when a TV series comes to an end? Well, I do. And it’s going to hit hard this time when the IPL comes to an end. There will no nail biting matches, nerve-wracking finishes and quick cricket. Heck, there will be no SRK and his superstar wave and kiss in the air to the crowd! And also no botoxed Preity acting cute on the field. And above all, the thrill of good cricket and some excellent entertainment will be missed!
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While the list of things that will be missed when the IPL comes to an end this year is long, there are quite a few things about the series and things that come along with it which won't be missed. Here is my list.
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Navjot Singh Siddhu- My natural instincts always make me switch the TV off or change channels when he comes up. Sometimes, it is not even consciously done, just that the hand automatically reaches the remote and the fingers press the right keys- like magic! He may have been a good cricketer and may have got his unique style to cricket commentary but his shrill laughter and over the top <i>punju</i> gestures are plain irritating. I feel bad sometimes for those who are made to sit next to him (Ajay Jadeja, Harsha Bhogle, Aakash Chopra, etc.). Why? Well, how would you feel at being hit hard on your back every two minutes because your co-panelist is in the habit of hitting people or falling all over you while laughing?
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<i>Desi</i> blondes- They look pretty, provide the oomph factor and ask the most stupid questions to people. Sample this- during one of the matches between Punjab and Rajasthan, Shibani Dhandekar got Preity Zinta and Harman Baweja(yes, he still exists) to talk about the match. Preity in her exuberant self had done a quick <i>bhangra</i> a while back when her team took a wicket, we were told. Of course that was off camera. Shibani, with her heavy accent, asked Preity to repeat the dance for the viewers- this at a time when Rajasthan hit a boundary. Preity initially ignored her request but when Shibani persisted, Preity promptly answered ' I’d love to, honey, but right now my team is not giving me any reason to rejoice.’
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Cheerleaders- I know boys will disagree with me but the cheerleaders are hardly shown on TV. The poor things don't understand much of the game, but have to pretend to be super excited every time a four or a six is hit. Have a heart guys, it’s better to see them as background dancers in films than on field wearing hideous costumes (cf.: KKR cheerleaders). Seriously, trust me on this.
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Scandals and brawls- I don't care if SRK is banned from Wankhede. I seriously don't. Neither do I care if an American alleges in front of the media (wearing mascara and oodles of make-up, mind you) that she was groped inappropriately by a cricketer. I also don't care if Siddy boy and his industrialist father have conflicting opinions on the entire issue. And spot fixing was done by some players who were not even playing in the team. They all got a spot in the limelight and now it’s time to move on. Really.
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Rozlyn Khans and Poonam Pandeys- One wants to strip for SRK, the other wants to show her butt to SRK.. err or maybe to the entire world. Ladies, just strip and get it over with, no? Why entice and back out? No one is going to believe you now about anything. Hope you realise that. And it is like a good foreplay, turning your partner on and then denying sex in the end. But have to admit that they are pretty smart, they know how a man’s psyche works and how it can work in their favour.
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But without all this, would IPL be as entertaining as it is now? Maybe not. And neither would you spare a moment to read my random banter. Alright, I am off to watch the finals. Until the next IPL season and more annoying characters…adios!
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P.S.: This is in good humour. Not to be taken seriously or personally.